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[ There's a lengthy pause. ]
I...had hoped I would have found you before you met with him.
[ And she had also hoped that Felix would have softened his predicament with Dorian. But she imagines the sight of seeing his dead friend has been destructive. ]
I'm sorry, Dorian.
I...had hoped I would have found you before you met with him.
[ And she had also hoped that Felix would have softened his predicament with Dorian. But she imagines the sight of seeing his dead friend has been destructive. ]
I'm sorry, Dorian.
I think it's the other way around, most days.
[ To have someone so readily accept her and care for her, no matter her shortcomings or her fears or her inadequacies... Is it any wonder why she is so fiercely protective of him? ]
I'll be here when you come home.
[ Home, because there is one place he can always go to, no matter what. She's not going to leave him. ]
[ To have someone so readily accept her and care for her, no matter her shortcomings or her fears or her inadequacies... Is it any wonder why she is so fiercely protective of him? ]
I'll be here when you come home.
[ Home, because there is one place he can always go to, no matter what. She's not going to leave him. ]
I would invite you to my home but I have two roommates who could come home at any moment.
[ And the occasional spirit likes to pop in when he'd like. ]
You know where the first gathering was, yes? The beach? We could speak there, if you've a mind. I think it wouldn't be so crowded this time of day.
[ And the occasional spirit likes to pop in when he'd like. ]
You know where the first gathering was, yes? The beach? We could speak there, if you've a mind. I think it wouldn't be so crowded this time of day.
[ She finds him there within the hour, coming close to his side. It's a little strange with Nathaniel and she doesn't know how much propriety is in order, especially considering she doesn't know the nature of his request. But once she approaches and can be seen, she dips her head deeply in some semblance of a bow. ]
Ser Howe. Are you all right?
Ser Howe. Are you all right?
I'm not...yes, I think I am.
[He's frowning, and looks unsettled, like he may take flight at any moment. But he dips his head to her as well.]
I still don't know why I called you here. I don't have anything to say. I just need...
[He opens a hand and looks frustrated with himself.]
...to talk. Maybe. Without having anything to say, I need to talk. And I know you won't judge me.
[He's frowning, and looks unsettled, like he may take flight at any moment. But he dips his head to her as well.]
I still don't know why I called you here. I don't have anything to say. I just need...
[He opens a hand and looks frustrated with himself.]
...to talk. Maybe. Without having anything to say, I need to talk. And I know you won't judge me.
[ It's probably one of the stranger requests she's had here, though not unreasonable in the slightest. Lavellan only nods, because she doesn't think any less of him for wishing to talk, and would rather there be openness and honesty between them than silence.
She steps around him, over to the other side of the stone he sits down, and finds herself a place. ]
I have no reason to judge you, Ser Howe.
[ Ferelden politics make little sense to her. She doesn't care who's father or who's son did what. But it's important to him and she wants him to know how much respect she has for him. How much respect the Wardens hold for her. ]
So, let's talk.
[ About what, of course, is the question. ]
I saw that the Warden-Commander is here. That's someone I didn't expect to join us. How are you feeling about that?
She steps around him, over to the other side of the stone he sits down, and finds herself a place. ]
I have no reason to judge you, Ser Howe.
[ Ferelden politics make little sense to her. She doesn't care who's father or who's son did what. But it's important to him and she wants him to know how much respect she has for him. How much respect the Wardens hold for her. ]
So, let's talk.
[ About what, of course, is the question. ]
I saw that the Warden-Commander is here. That's someone I didn't expect to join us. How are you feeling about that?
We're not. [He gestures, agitated.] She was just trying to show...closeness, I suppose, in a friendly way, but she's never shown it like that. I suppose it's because it's what's expected of us here. And then it's as if I'm being unreasonable to object!
[Which is twisting the events, a bit. It had been his flinch, not his objection, that had blown up in his face.]
[Which is twisting the events, a bit. It had been his flinch, not his objection, that had blown up in his face.]
[ She does her best not to smile when he seems so agitated by it. They are there to express affection, aren't they? ]
But it still seemed...odd to you, despite us being here?
[ But then, the Warden-Commander is his superior. Perhaps that's how the others feel about her. ]
But it still seemed...odd to you, despite us being here?
[ But then, the Warden-Commander is his superior. Perhaps that's how the others feel about her. ]
She's the Commander. Yes, it was odd. I'm not sure how one says no to one's commander, no matter how much she insists it's not like that here. I still had to comfort her when she realized I was uncomfortable. Maker, why do I always have to be the strong one?
[He stops pacing and rubs his face.]
[He stops pacing and rubs his face.]
[ Ah, well...those are sentiments that she can understand very well, can't she? Why do I always have to be the strong one? ]
You don't have to be. You can find people you trust, people who will support you when you need to fall down. They are out there.
[ Perhaps that's why he called her. But she doesn't press on that for the moment, standing from the stone she had been sitting on. ]
And you can say no by recognizing that we are people...and we want affection and friendships just like anyone else. [ It's said very gently, with no trace of bitterness, because she at least understands how that might look from her perspective. As First, not many people wanted to engage with her. Now... ] If that makes you uncomfortable, that's an understandable reaction. If I were the Commander, I would want someone to tell me that.
You don't have to be. You can find people you trust, people who will support you when you need to fall down. They are out there.
[ Perhaps that's why he called her. But she doesn't press on that for the moment, standing from the stone she had been sitting on. ]
And you can say no by recognizing that we are people...and we want affection and friendships just like anyone else. [ It's said very gently, with no trace of bitterness, because she at least understands how that might look from her perspective. As First, not many people wanted to engage with her. Now... ] If that makes you uncomfortable, that's an understandable reaction. If I were the Commander, I would want someone to tell me that.
Oh, she knows now.
[Nathaniel sits back down and rests his elbows on his knees.]
The trouble is more than rank. It's that I'm a privileged son of a bitch and she grew up in an alienage. Any time I try to explain something that makes me uncomfortable, it sounds like I'm bragging about how lucky I was as a kid when she had nothing.
[Nathaniel sits back down and rests his elbows on his knees.]
The trouble is more than rank. It's that I'm a privileged son of a bitch and she grew up in an alienage. Any time I try to explain something that makes me uncomfortable, it sounds like I'm bragging about how lucky I was as a kid when she had nothing.
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