[He's red in the face, and has half a mind not to keep talking about this, but. This is his chance to find out if he's really crazy.]
My mother didn't let me touch her, not usually. She didn't really like me. If we were going somewhere, say, to bed, she would give Thomas this great big hug, she would give Delilah kisses, and...I had to stand away from her in her chair, hands behind my back, and lean forward and give her a kiss on the mouth. After that, she'd chide me for it being too lingering, or too quick, or too reluctant, and send us all off to bed.
It's not every woman's kiss that makes me feel that way, just...the ones with power over me, I think.
And so now everything you might do could lead to you being chastised or humiliated. It's not about who they are or how you feel, but because you think back to all the times you were treated like that. You don't know where to stand.
[ It makes more sense now. ]
I'm sorry, Ser Howe. That's not an easy thing to endure.
[ And even worse that it was not just an authority figure but his own mother, who should have been kinder, should have been more willing to give him love. ]
Care and love should be unconditional, not rife with standards and particulars. Especially with parents.
My nephew knows I love him. He knows he's...worth my time. Worth my life. Worth the whole world. Maybe he won't squire under a chevalier, but by my might and my sister's he will be happy and loved. His family won't be broken like ours was. Fergus Cousland gave me some holdings, and they'll go to him.
[He squeezes her hand.]
Since we're here, my lady, would you care to take a walk with me?
I'm glad you have him and your sister, then. It's...hard not to have family in your life.
[ And for Teyrn Cousland to give him holdings... Even better. Nathaniel had told her a little of the things that had happened, how he had no honor because of his family. She hopes that this will begin to fix things.
Lavellan gives him a smile, squeezes his hand back. ]
[ Entirely too much of a gentleman. But it's nice to be treated with the respect he gives her, especially since he doesn't appear wrapped up in her title as Inquisitor. This is just him being honorable. ]
Clan Lavellan. We lived in the Free Marches for most of my life, wandering here and there when we needed to.
[ She misses it but things are so different now. She doesn't know if she'll be welcomed back. ]
My mother was a hunter and my father was a craftsman. They were...much older when I was born. No one really expected me to happen until I did, much less that I'd turn out to be a mage.
[ There's a flicker of suspicion in her gaze and she tries desperately to know who he might have known, who might have told him. The Commander might have, but she wasn't Dalish. So who... ]
You know enough about Dalish mages to know that. Someone has told you, you've seen it for yourself, or you know a Dalish Keeper.
[There's that completely fair assumption that humans know nothing about Dalish culture. Which. He doesn't, really, beyond what Velanna condescended to disclose.]
I knew a clan had helped the Commander during the Blight but-- I'm surprised one joined the Wardens. [ That seems unkind of her to say, though, and she shakes her head. ] No, I'm more surprised that their clan allowed them.
Forgive me, Ser Howe. The Dalish are not known for working well with humans, even those who are kind to us.
No, it's well-founded. Velanna hated everyone. It was a...complicated situation, but she joined of her free will. Her sister had been captured and her clan murdered. She slaughtered an entire caravan of humans for it, then learned it was the darkspawn who were to blame, not the humans. She insisted on joining us so she might use our abilities to find her sister.
I...hate to say that there are many like her, but there are.
[ It's not unfounded hate, to be certain, but it is also unwise. Striking blindly at enemies, whether they deserve it or not, is bound to only cause more bloodshed, trouble, and woe. ]
We are content to leave humans alone for the most part. But when they venture too close, particularly if there are lives lost in happenstance, there is very little to sway my brethren from acting against them. We have lost too much.
We saw her. I don't know if she ever rescued her. She disappeared some years back, and I assume it was to look for her. Either way, I don't expect she'll ever return.
Despite her best efforts, [he admits.] She was determined not to like me, at first. Human and noble, you understand. She kept everyone at a distance, but me most of all. I think she wanted us to fight for her friendship, and some of us did. Others charmed her naturally.
[ Gently, she squeezes his arm, an act of reassurance and comfort but little else. ]
It's hard to cope with people who leave, particularly those who are important to us. There are more important things to some people, more important than love or friendship.
[ She thinks of Solas. And, strangely, she thinks of Anders. ]
I would have liked to meet her. I think she would have quite a bit to teach me.
I would have liked to think back then that we'd all still be there, Wardens together. That's what they always say, that a Warden is a Warden for life. But Velanna and Anders are both gone, of their own free will.
[A slight, helpless widening of his eyes.]
Sometimes I even miss Justice, but don't tell Anders that.
Anders was worse, I think. We always suspected Velanna would leave once she had no further use for us, but we'd really hoped Anders could find a place to call home. The templars wouldn't even let him have the Wardens, though.
[He huffs out a breath.]
Justice was intense. It took us a little time to get used to the fact that just because a spirit embodies a virtue doesn't mean they embody more than one. Or...have more than one. Justice nagged us all about things we'd done that we hadn't paid for, like when I broke into Vigil's Keep. Or the things we ought to be doing to set things right. He was...uncomplicated. Which was neither good nor bad. Erm.
[He thinks for a moment.]
He wasn't spiteful or vengeful. He was...single-minded.
Spirits often are. Cole is a spirit of Compassion, and he is driven to help others no matter what. Things have...changed since we first met him, when he came to us, but it was very single-minded. Uncomplicated.
[ Help others, even if it means killing them. Heal the hurt. ]
I've seen a spirit of Command, too. It was the same with her. She was more focused on commanding than understanding the logic - or lack thereof - of our world.
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carisma_sensei
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Date: 2015-04-23 06:53 pm (UTC)I...don't understand.
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Date: 2015-04-23 06:58 pm (UTC)[He's red in the face, and has half a mind not to keep talking about this, but. This is his chance to find out if he's really crazy.]
My mother didn't let me touch her, not usually. She didn't really like me. If we were going somewhere, say, to bed, she would give Thomas this great big hug, she would give Delilah kisses, and...I had to stand away from her in her chair, hands behind my back, and lean forward and give her a kiss on the mouth. After that, she'd chide me for it being too lingering, or too quick, or too reluctant, and send us all off to bed.
It's not every woman's kiss that makes me feel that way, just...the ones with power over me, I think.
It's...foolish.
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Date: 2015-04-23 07:04 pm (UTC)[ It makes more sense now. ]
I'm sorry, Ser Howe. That's not an easy thing to endure.
[ And even worse that it was not just an authority figure but his own mother, who should have been kinder, should have been more willing to give him love. ]
Care and love should be unconditional, not rife with standards and particulars. Especially with parents.
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Date: 2015-04-23 08:20 pm (UTC)Maker. Yes. That's it exactly.
[But then she says she's sorry and his pride squirms a bit.]
That's what it's like to grow up noble. Everybody picks apart everyone below them. Everybody plays favorites. It's why I'm never having children.
[He opens his hand to her.]
Thank you. For understanding.
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Date: 2015-04-24 12:45 am (UTC)[ She smiles, puts her hand in his. ]
I'm glad to help. That's what I'm here for.
[ And what she figures she's best at. ]
Besides, it sounds like it was quite a burden on your shoulders. If it eases the weight, then all the better.
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Date: 2015-04-24 01:09 am (UTC)[He squeezes her hand.]
Since we're here, my lady, would you care to take a walk with me?
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Date: 2015-04-24 12:54 pm (UTC)[ And for Teyrn Cousland to give him holdings... Even better. Nathaniel had told her a little of the things that had happened, how he had no honor because of his family. She hopes that this will begin to fix things.
Lavellan gives him a smile, squeezes his hand back. ]
Of course. I'd love to.
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Date: 2015-04-24 01:08 pm (UTC)What clan are you from? [he begins as they start to walk.]
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Date: 2015-04-24 01:58 pm (UTC)Clan Lavellan. We lived in the Free Marches for most of my life, wandering here and there when we needed to.
[ She misses it but things are so different now. She doesn't know if she'll be welcomed back. ]
My mother was a hunter and my father was a craftsman. They were...much older when I was born. No one really expected me to happen until I did, much less that I'd turn out to be a mage.
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Date: 2015-04-24 01:59 pm (UTC)action
Date: 2015-04-24 02:00 pm (UTC)[ ...Wait a second. She turns to him. ]
How did you know that?
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Date: 2015-04-24 02:06 pm (UTC)action
Date: 2015-04-24 02:10 pm (UTC)[ There's a flicker of suspicion in her gaze and she tries desperately to know who he might have known, who might have told him. The Commander might have, but she wasn't Dalish. So who... ]
You know enough about Dalish mages to know that. Someone has told you, you've seen it for yourself, or you know a Dalish Keeper.
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Date: 2015-04-24 02:17 pm (UTC)[There's that completely fair assumption that humans know nothing about Dalish culture. Which. He doesn't, really, beyond what Velanna condescended to disclose.]
We had a Dalish mage in the Wardens, for a time.
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Date: 2015-04-24 02:21 pm (UTC)I knew a clan had helped the Commander during the Blight but-- I'm surprised one joined the Wardens. [ That seems unkind of her to say, though, and she shakes her head. ] No, I'm more surprised that their clan allowed them.
Forgive me, Ser Howe. The Dalish are not known for working well with humans, even those who are kind to us.
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Date: 2015-04-24 02:32 pm (UTC)action
Date: 2015-04-24 06:08 pm (UTC)[ It's not unfounded hate, to be certain, but it is also unwise. Striking blindly at enemies, whether they deserve it or not, is bound to only cause more bloodshed, trouble, and woe. ]
We are content to leave humans alone for the most part. But when they venture too close, particularly if there are lives lost in happenstance, there is very little to sway my brethren from acting against them. We have lost too much.
[ Never again shall we submit. ]
Did she ever find her sister?
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Date: 2015-04-24 06:17 pm (UTC)[His eyes crinkle.]
She was never tame.
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Date: 2015-04-24 06:24 pm (UTC)[ Her smile is small. ]
But you were fond of her, despite that.
[ Not necessarily in a romantic way. She can tell, though, by his eyes; he cared for her well being. They were friends. ]
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Date: 2015-04-24 06:37 pm (UTC)[The smile fades.]
But it wasn't enough to keep her.
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Date: 2015-04-24 07:02 pm (UTC)It's hard to cope with people who leave, particularly those who are important to us. There are more important things to some people, more important than love or friendship.
[ She thinks of Solas. And, strangely, she thinks of Anders. ]
I would have liked to meet her. I think she would have quite a bit to teach me.
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Date: 2015-04-24 07:36 pm (UTC)[A slight, helpless widening of his eyes.]
Sometimes I even miss Justice, but don't tell Anders that.
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Date: 2015-04-24 07:40 pm (UTC)[ To lose a friend is one thing. To lose a brother-in-arms, even worse. ]
Did you know Justice well before...what happened with him and Anders? [ It's not so strange to her now that she knows Cole. ] What was he like?
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Date: 2015-04-24 07:52 pm (UTC)[He huffs out a breath.]
Justice was intense. It took us a little time to get used to the fact that just because a spirit embodies a virtue doesn't mean they embody more than one. Or...have more than one. Justice nagged us all about things we'd done that we hadn't paid for, like when I broke into Vigil's Keep. Or the things we ought to be doing to set things right. He was...uncomplicated. Which was neither good nor bad. Erm.
[He thinks for a moment.]
He wasn't spiteful or vengeful. He was...single-minded.
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Date: 2015-04-24 08:11 pm (UTC)[ Help others, even if it means killing them. Heal the hurt. ]
I've seen a spirit of Command, too. It was the same with her. She was more focused on commanding than understanding the logic - or lack thereof - of our world.
[ She pauses here. ]
Why did Anders leave the Wardens? Do you know?
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