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Yes, but you are a person, Ser Howe. And you have a right to express if you are feeling uncomfortable on a personal level. To tell someone that you feel strange because of rank or because of personal preference isn't the same as telling an elf that you don't want to kiss them because of their knife-ears or because you think they dance naked under the moonlight.
[ And she's entirely certain that he would never say such a thing, true or not. ]
I had thought that Wardens put those things behind them. She may be your superior, yes, but aren't you all equal in brotherhood?
[ And she's entirely certain that he would never say such a thing, true or not. ]
I had thought that Wardens put those things behind them. She may be your superior, yes, but aren't you all equal in brotherhood?
Exactly.
[He's red in the face, and has half a mind not to keep talking about this, but. This is his chance to find out if he's really crazy.]
My mother didn't let me touch her, not usually. She didn't really like me. If we were going somewhere, say, to bed, she would give Thomas this great big hug, she would give Delilah kisses, and...I had to stand away from her in her chair, hands behind my back, and lean forward and give her a kiss on the mouth. After that, she'd chide me for it being too lingering, or too quick, or too reluctant, and send us all off to bed.
It's not every woman's kiss that makes me feel that way, just...the ones with power over me, I think.
It's...foolish.
[He's red in the face, and has half a mind not to keep talking about this, but. This is his chance to find out if he's really crazy.]
My mother didn't let me touch her, not usually. She didn't really like me. If we were going somewhere, say, to bed, she would give Thomas this great big hug, she would give Delilah kisses, and...I had to stand away from her in her chair, hands behind my back, and lean forward and give her a kiss on the mouth. After that, she'd chide me for it being too lingering, or too quick, or too reluctant, and send us all off to bed.
It's not every woman's kiss that makes me feel that way, just...the ones with power over me, I think.
It's...foolish.
Edited 2015-04-23 18:59 (UTC)
And so now everything you might do could lead to you being chastised or humiliated. It's not about who they are or how you feel, but because you think back to all the times you were treated like that. You don't know where to stand.
[ It makes more sense now. ]
I'm sorry, Ser Howe. That's not an easy thing to endure.
[ And even worse that it was not just an authority figure but his own mother, who should have been kinder, should have been more willing to give him love. ]
Care and love should be unconditional, not rife with standards and particulars. Especially with parents.
[ It makes more sense now. ]
I'm sorry, Ser Howe. That's not an easy thing to endure.
[ And even worse that it was not just an authority figure but his own mother, who should have been kinder, should have been more willing to give him love. ]
Care and love should be unconditional, not rife with standards and particulars. Especially with parents.
[A sigh comes out of him, and a lot of tension flies from his shoulders when she validates his discomfort. His head bows and his eyes close briefly.]
Maker. Yes. That's it exactly.
[But then she says she's sorry and his pride squirms a bit.]
That's what it's like to grow up noble. Everybody picks apart everyone below them. Everybody plays favorites. It's why I'm never having children.
[He opens his hand to her.]
Thank you. For understanding.
Maker. Yes. That's it exactly.
[But then she says she's sorry and his pride squirms a bit.]
That's what it's like to grow up noble. Everybody picks apart everyone below them. Everybody plays favorites. It's why I'm never having children.
[He opens his hand to her.]
Thank you. For understanding.
You could be the one to break the cycle, though. Treat your children better than you were treated, and give them the freedom and the life you wanted.
[ She smiles, puts her hand in his. ]
I'm glad to help. That's what I'm here for.
[ And what she figures she's best at. ]
Besides, it sounds like it was quite a burden on your shoulders. If it eases the weight, then all the better.
[ She smiles, puts her hand in his. ]
I'm glad to help. That's what I'm here for.
[ And what she figures she's best at. ]
Besides, it sounds like it was quite a burden on your shoulders. If it eases the weight, then all the better.
My nephew knows I love him. He knows he's...worth my time. Worth my life. Worth the whole world. Maybe he won't squire under a chevalier, but by my might and my sister's he will be happy and loved. His family won't be broken like ours was. Fergus Cousland gave me some holdings, and they'll go to him.
[He squeezes her hand.]
Since we're here, my lady, would you care to take a walk with me?
[He squeezes her hand.]
Since we're here, my lady, would you care to take a walk with me?
I'm glad you have him and your sister, then. It's...hard not to have family in your life.
[ And for Teyrn Cousland to give him holdings... Even better. Nathaniel had told her a little of the things that had happened, how he had no honor because of his family. She hopes that this will begin to fix things.
Lavellan gives him a smile, squeezes his hand back. ]
Of course. I'd love to.
[ And for Teyrn Cousland to give him holdings... Even better. Nathaniel had told her a little of the things that had happened, how he had no honor because of his family. She hopes that this will begin to fix things.
Lavellan gives him a smile, squeezes his hand back. ]
Of course. I'd love to.
[ Entirely too much of a gentleman. But it's nice to be treated with the respect he gives her, especially since he doesn't appear wrapped up in her title as Inquisitor. This is just him being honorable. ]
Clan Lavellan. We lived in the Free Marches for most of my life, wandering here and there when we needed to.
[ She misses it but things are so different now. She doesn't know if she'll be welcomed back. ]
My mother was a hunter and my father was a craftsman. They were...much older when I was born. No one really expected me to happen until I did, much less that I'd turn out to be a mage.
Clan Lavellan. We lived in the Free Marches for most of my life, wandering here and there when we needed to.
[ She misses it but things are so different now. She doesn't know if she'll be welcomed back. ]
My mother was a hunter and my father was a craftsman. They were...much older when I was born. No one really expected me to happen until I did, much less that I'd turn out to be a mage.
No, it's not.
[ There's a flicker of suspicion in her gaze and she tries desperately to know who he might have known, who might have told him. The Commander might have, but she wasn't Dalish. So who... ]
You know enough about Dalish mages to know that. Someone has told you, you've seen it for yourself, or you know a Dalish Keeper.
[ There's a flicker of suspicion in her gaze and she tries desperately to know who he might have known, who might have told him. The Commander might have, but she wasn't Dalish. So who... ]
You know enough about Dalish mages to know that. Someone has told you, you've seen it for yourself, or you know a Dalish Keeper.
[ That seems to take her by surprise. ]
I knew a clan had helped the Commander during the Blight but-- I'm surprised one joined the Wardens. [ That seems unkind of her to say, though, and she shakes her head. ] No, I'm more surprised that their clan allowed them.
Forgive me, Ser Howe. The Dalish are not known for working well with humans, even those who are kind to us.
I knew a clan had helped the Commander during the Blight but-- I'm surprised one joined the Wardens. [ That seems unkind of her to say, though, and she shakes her head. ] No, I'm more surprised that their clan allowed them.
Forgive me, Ser Howe. The Dalish are not known for working well with humans, even those who are kind to us.
No, it's well-founded. Velanna hated everyone. It was a...complicated situation, but she joined of her free will. Her sister had been captured and her clan murdered. She slaughtered an entire caravan of humans for it, then learned it was the darkspawn who were to blame, not the humans. She insisted on joining us so she might use our abilities to find her sister.
I...hate to say that there are many like her, but there are.
[ It's not unfounded hate, to be certain, but it is also unwise. Striking blindly at enemies, whether they deserve it or not, is bound to only cause more bloodshed, trouble, and woe. ]
We are content to leave humans alone for the most part. But when they venture too close, particularly if there are lives lost in happenstance, there is very little to sway my brethren from acting against them. We have lost too much.
[ Never again shall we submit. ]
Did she ever find her sister?
[ It's not unfounded hate, to be certain, but it is also unwise. Striking blindly at enemies, whether they deserve it or not, is bound to only cause more bloodshed, trouble, and woe. ]
We are content to leave humans alone for the most part. But when they venture too close, particularly if there are lives lost in happenstance, there is very little to sway my brethren from acting against them. We have lost too much.
[ Never again shall we submit. ]
Did she ever find her sister?
I hope she finds her. It's a shame that she has lost so much to the darkspawn.
[ Her smile is small. ]
But you were fond of her, despite that.
[ Not necessarily in a romantic way. She can tell, though, by his eyes; he cared for her well being. They were friends. ]
[ Her smile is small. ]
But you were fond of her, despite that.
[ Not necessarily in a romantic way. She can tell, though, by his eyes; he cared for her well being. They were friends. ]
Despite her best efforts, [he admits.] She was determined not to like me, at first. Human and noble, you understand. She kept everyone at a distance, but me most of all. I think she wanted us to fight for her friendship, and some of us did. Others charmed her naturally.
[The smile fades.]
But it wasn't enough to keep her.
[The smile fades.]
But it wasn't enough to keep her.
[ Gently, she squeezes his arm, an act of reassurance and comfort but little else. ]
It's hard to cope with people who leave, particularly those who are important to us. There are more important things to some people, more important than love or friendship.
[ She thinks of Solas. And, strangely, she thinks of Anders. ]
I would have liked to meet her. I think she would have quite a bit to teach me.
It's hard to cope with people who leave, particularly those who are important to us. There are more important things to some people, more important than love or friendship.
[ She thinks of Solas. And, strangely, she thinks of Anders. ]
I would have liked to meet her. I think she would have quite a bit to teach me.
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