Yes, but you are a person, Ser Howe. And you have a right to express if you are feeling uncomfortable on a personal level. To tell someone that you feel strange because of rank or because of personal preference isn't the same as telling an elf that you don't want to kiss them because of their knife-ears or because you think they dance naked under the moonlight.
[ And she's entirely certain that he would never say such a thing, true or not. ]
I had thought that Wardens put those things behind them. She may be your superior, yes, but aren't you all equal in brotherhood?
The difference is that she had real problems when she was growing up. When I try to explain my objections, she...doesn't understand. She doesn't understand why I don't like it and I just...feel...foolish.
[He's red in the face, and has half a mind not to keep talking about this, but. This is his chance to find out if he's really crazy.]
My mother didn't let me touch her, not usually. She didn't really like me. If we were going somewhere, say, to bed, she would give Thomas this great big hug, she would give Delilah kisses, and...I had to stand away from her in her chair, hands behind my back, and lean forward and give her a kiss on the mouth. After that, she'd chide me for it being too lingering, or too quick, or too reluctant, and send us all off to bed.
It's not every woman's kiss that makes me feel that way, just...the ones with power over me, I think.
And so now everything you might do could lead to you being chastised or humiliated. It's not about who they are or how you feel, but because you think back to all the times you were treated like that. You don't know where to stand.
[ It makes more sense now. ]
I'm sorry, Ser Howe. That's not an easy thing to endure.
[ And even worse that it was not just an authority figure but his own mother, who should have been kinder, should have been more willing to give him love. ]
Care and love should be unconditional, not rife with standards and particulars. Especially with parents.
My nephew knows I love him. He knows he's...worth my time. Worth my life. Worth the whole world. Maybe he won't squire under a chevalier, but by my might and my sister's he will be happy and loved. His family won't be broken like ours was. Fergus Cousland gave me some holdings, and they'll go to him.
[He squeezes her hand.]
Since we're here, my lady, would you care to take a walk with me?
I'm glad you have him and your sister, then. It's...hard not to have family in your life.
[ And for Teyrn Cousland to give him holdings... Even better. Nathaniel had told her a little of the things that had happened, how he had no honor because of his family. She hopes that this will begin to fix things.
Lavellan gives him a smile, squeezes his hand back. ]
[ Entirely too much of a gentleman. But it's nice to be treated with the respect he gives her, especially since he doesn't appear wrapped up in her title as Inquisitor. This is just him being honorable. ]
Clan Lavellan. We lived in the Free Marches for most of my life, wandering here and there when we needed to.
[ She misses it but things are so different now. She doesn't know if she'll be welcomed back. ]
My mother was a hunter and my father was a craftsman. They were...much older when I was born. No one really expected me to happen until I did, much less that I'd turn out to be a mage.
[ There's a flicker of suspicion in her gaze and she tries desperately to know who he might have known, who might have told him. The Commander might have, but she wasn't Dalish. So who... ]
You know enough about Dalish mages to know that. Someone has told you, you've seen it for yourself, or you know a Dalish Keeper.
[There's that completely fair assumption that humans know nothing about Dalish culture. Which. He doesn't, really, beyond what Velanna condescended to disclose.]
I knew a clan had helped the Commander during the Blight but-- I'm surprised one joined the Wardens. [ That seems unkind of her to say, though, and she shakes her head. ] No, I'm more surprised that their clan allowed them.
Forgive me, Ser Howe. The Dalish are not known for working well with humans, even those who are kind to us.
No, it's well-founded. Velanna hated everyone. It was a...complicated situation, but she joined of her free will. Her sister had been captured and her clan murdered. She slaughtered an entire caravan of humans for it, then learned it was the darkspawn who were to blame, not the humans. She insisted on joining us so she might use our abilities to find her sister.
I...hate to say that there are many like her, but there are.
[ It's not unfounded hate, to be certain, but it is also unwise. Striking blindly at enemies, whether they deserve it or not, is bound to only cause more bloodshed, trouble, and woe. ]
We are content to leave humans alone for the most part. But when they venture too close, particularly if there are lives lost in happenstance, there is very little to sway my brethren from acting against them. We have lost too much.
We saw her. I don't know if she ever rescued her. She disappeared some years back, and I assume it was to look for her. Either way, I don't expect she'll ever return.
Despite her best efforts, [he admits.] She was determined not to like me, at first. Human and noble, you understand. She kept everyone at a distance, but me most of all. I think she wanted us to fight for her friendship, and some of us did. Others charmed her naturally.
[ Gently, she squeezes his arm, an act of reassurance and comfort but little else. ]
It's hard to cope with people who leave, particularly those who are important to us. There are more important things to some people, more important than love or friendship.
[ She thinks of Solas. And, strangely, she thinks of Anders. ]
I would have liked to meet her. I think she would have quite a bit to teach me.
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carisma_sensei
action
Date: 2015-04-23 05:55 pm (UTC)[ And she's entirely certain that he would never say such a thing, true or not. ]
I had thought that Wardens put those things behind them. She may be your superior, yes, but aren't you all equal in brotherhood?
action
Date: 2015-04-23 06:37 pm (UTC)action
Date: 2015-04-23 06:39 pm (UTC)Would you mind telling me why you don't like it? ...If you feel comfortable, of course.
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Date: 2015-04-23 06:46 pm (UTC)It...reminds me of my mother.
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Date: 2015-04-23 06:53 pm (UTC)I...don't understand.
action
Date: 2015-04-23 06:58 pm (UTC)[He's red in the face, and has half a mind not to keep talking about this, but. This is his chance to find out if he's really crazy.]
My mother didn't let me touch her, not usually. She didn't really like me. If we were going somewhere, say, to bed, she would give Thomas this great big hug, she would give Delilah kisses, and...I had to stand away from her in her chair, hands behind my back, and lean forward and give her a kiss on the mouth. After that, she'd chide me for it being too lingering, or too quick, or too reluctant, and send us all off to bed.
It's not every woman's kiss that makes me feel that way, just...the ones with power over me, I think.
It's...foolish.
action
Date: 2015-04-23 07:04 pm (UTC)[ It makes more sense now. ]
I'm sorry, Ser Howe. That's not an easy thing to endure.
[ And even worse that it was not just an authority figure but his own mother, who should have been kinder, should have been more willing to give him love. ]
Care and love should be unconditional, not rife with standards and particulars. Especially with parents.
action
Date: 2015-04-23 08:20 pm (UTC)Maker. Yes. That's it exactly.
[But then she says she's sorry and his pride squirms a bit.]
That's what it's like to grow up noble. Everybody picks apart everyone below them. Everybody plays favorites. It's why I'm never having children.
[He opens his hand to her.]
Thank you. For understanding.
action
Date: 2015-04-24 12:45 am (UTC)[ She smiles, puts her hand in his. ]
I'm glad to help. That's what I'm here for.
[ And what she figures she's best at. ]
Besides, it sounds like it was quite a burden on your shoulders. If it eases the weight, then all the better.
action
Date: 2015-04-24 01:09 am (UTC)[He squeezes her hand.]
Since we're here, my lady, would you care to take a walk with me?
action
Date: 2015-04-24 12:54 pm (UTC)[ And for Teyrn Cousland to give him holdings... Even better. Nathaniel had told her a little of the things that had happened, how he had no honor because of his family. She hopes that this will begin to fix things.
Lavellan gives him a smile, squeezes his hand back. ]
Of course. I'd love to.
action
Date: 2015-04-24 01:08 pm (UTC)What clan are you from? [he begins as they start to walk.]
action
Date: 2015-04-24 01:58 pm (UTC)Clan Lavellan. We lived in the Free Marches for most of my life, wandering here and there when we needed to.
[ She misses it but things are so different now. She doesn't know if she'll be welcomed back. ]
My mother was a hunter and my father was a craftsman. They were...much older when I was born. No one really expected me to happen until I did, much less that I'd turn out to be a mage.
action
Date: 2015-04-24 01:59 pm (UTC)action
Date: 2015-04-24 02:00 pm (UTC)[ ...Wait a second. She turns to him. ]
How did you know that?
action
Date: 2015-04-24 02:06 pm (UTC)action
Date: 2015-04-24 02:10 pm (UTC)[ There's a flicker of suspicion in her gaze and she tries desperately to know who he might have known, who might have told him. The Commander might have, but she wasn't Dalish. So who... ]
You know enough about Dalish mages to know that. Someone has told you, you've seen it for yourself, or you know a Dalish Keeper.
action
Date: 2015-04-24 02:17 pm (UTC)[There's that completely fair assumption that humans know nothing about Dalish culture. Which. He doesn't, really, beyond what Velanna condescended to disclose.]
We had a Dalish mage in the Wardens, for a time.
action
Date: 2015-04-24 02:21 pm (UTC)I knew a clan had helped the Commander during the Blight but-- I'm surprised one joined the Wardens. [ That seems unkind of her to say, though, and she shakes her head. ] No, I'm more surprised that their clan allowed them.
Forgive me, Ser Howe. The Dalish are not known for working well with humans, even those who are kind to us.
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Date: 2015-04-24 02:32 pm (UTC)action
Date: 2015-04-24 06:08 pm (UTC)[ It's not unfounded hate, to be certain, but it is also unwise. Striking blindly at enemies, whether they deserve it or not, is bound to only cause more bloodshed, trouble, and woe. ]
We are content to leave humans alone for the most part. But when they venture too close, particularly if there are lives lost in happenstance, there is very little to sway my brethren from acting against them. We have lost too much.
[ Never again shall we submit. ]
Did she ever find her sister?
action
Date: 2015-04-24 06:17 pm (UTC)[His eyes crinkle.]
She was never tame.
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Date: 2015-04-24 06:24 pm (UTC)[ Her smile is small. ]
But you were fond of her, despite that.
[ Not necessarily in a romantic way. She can tell, though, by his eyes; he cared for her well being. They were friends. ]
action
Date: 2015-04-24 06:37 pm (UTC)[The smile fades.]
But it wasn't enough to keep her.
action
Date: 2015-04-24 07:02 pm (UTC)It's hard to cope with people who leave, particularly those who are important to us. There are more important things to some people, more important than love or friendship.
[ She thinks of Solas. And, strangely, she thinks of Anders. ]
I would have liked to meet her. I think she would have quite a bit to teach me.
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